I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
