she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
