Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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