theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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