it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My vagina is officially offended.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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