Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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