I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
how do flat chested girls get laid?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
