There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I AM VODKA MAN
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
