ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
