I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
