dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
