theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
