It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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