How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
