She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
