on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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