She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I got inside last night via doggy door
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
