This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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