if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
