I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
