and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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