I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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