the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
