alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
