He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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