Im at strip club and am horny
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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