I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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