Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
