Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
