Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
