i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
