My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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