her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
