Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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