I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
