Got a toothbrush?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
