He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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