Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
