So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
