By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
