oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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