this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
