I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
