I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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