I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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