I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
This is my gift to your gina
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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