beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
