it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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