this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
smell my finger.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
