I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
