Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
