i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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