Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
