everyone is single if you try hard enough
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
