If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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