I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I AM VODKA MAN
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
