Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
